Los Angeles, CA — In a shocking revelation, Jim Carrey, the beloved comedian and actor, has declared that he no longer remembers pop sensation Ariana Grande. According to Carrey, his memory of the singer—who recently release her new album, Eternal Sunshine, to critical acclaim—was intentionally wiped out during an experimental procedure.

Washington, D.C. — In an unexpected culinary twist, Senator Katie Britt recently revealed her favorite breakfast recipe: Huevos Rancheros. The surprise announcement came in the midst of the official Republican response to President Biden's State of the Union addres. The Alabama senator, known for her conservative stance on policy matters, surprised constituents and fellow lawmakers alike with her passion for this traditional Mexican dish.

Los Angeles, CA — In a stunning development, Senator Bob Menendez has been charged with accepting a high-profile endorsement from former President Donald Trump. The news broke earlier today, sending shockwaves through the political landscape.

Los Angeles, CA — In a surprising turn of events, former heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson has been invited to attend the upcoming State of the Union address. The announcement was made by the White House earlier today, sparking both curiosity and speculation among political pundits and sports enthusiasts alike.

Washington, D.C. — In a stumbling press conference today, President Joe Biden apparently forgot the main subject.

“I am proud to announce that my administrative is set to forget, uh, forget, and I don't wanna, I don't wanna, let me be, choose my words,” began Biden, 81.

At that point a staffmember whispered to the commander-in-chief:

“Yes, I'm sorry,” he continued. “We are forgetting student debt for millions of young Americans. Which is not at all like forgetting where you left your keys!” he joked. 

Cheyenne, Wyoming — Following the recent decision by the Alabama State Supreme Court, Senator John Barrasso of Wyoming has introduced a bill that aims to include extrauterine embryos in the U.S. Census. The proposal has sparked heated debates among lawmakers and citizens alike.

The bill seeks to amend the U.S. Census guidelines to recognize and count extrauterine embryos, which are classified as persons in several states. If passed, this would be a significant departure from the current practice, which only includes children born naturally within the womb.

Washington, D.C. — In a stunning turn of events, former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley has officially announced her independent bid for the presidency. Breaking away from the traditional party lines, Haley aims to offer an alternative choice for American voters in the upcoming 2024 election.