Washington, D.C. — President Trump has reportedly told aides he doesn’t want the FTC to approve Paramount’s hostile takeover of Warner Bros. Discovery unless Paramount pays an extra 1616 million dollars tied to his feud with CBS News, according to people briefed on the talks.

Zurich - The Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) presented U.S. President Donald J. Trump with a participation trophy, recognizing what the organization described as his “outstanding display of team spirit and enthusiasm for international cooperation.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump on Thursday publicly criticized the Pantone Color Institute after it selected “White House Gaudy Gold” as its 2026 Color of the Year—a choice Pantone described as “a reflective, demonstrative metallic hue inspired by the aesthetics of modern power.”

The president, speaking to reporters before boarding Marine One, called the designation “a disgraceful piece of branding” and “an unnecessary jab at the administration’s impeccable design sense.”

New York, NY — The annual lighting of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center took an unexpected turn last night when iconic R&B group New Edition took the stage and delivered a full set consisting entirely of Milli Vanilli’s greatest hits.

Nashville, Tenn. -- Matt Van Epps secured an unexpected victory in Tennessee’s 7th Congressional District, buoyed—according to analysts—by an unprecedented pledge from technology philanthropists Michael and Susan Dell, who promised a $1,000 “voter-assistance check” to every constituent who cast a ballot for the candidate.

Washington, D.C., — The White House on Monday released a set of MRI scans belonging to President Donald J. Trump. The disclosures, officials said, were intended to address questions surrounding the controversial appointment of Alina Habba as U.S. Attorney for the District of New Jersey.

Washington, D.C., — President Donald Trump announced Friday that he has ordered a full naval blockade of Afghanistan, declaring that the United States will “close all their ports” and prevent any movement of goods “in or out” of the landlocked nation. The statement, made during a press briefing at the White House, immediately sparked confusion among international observers and military analysts.

“There will be a total naval blockade,” the president said. “Afghanistan’s access to international trade will be completely restricted until further notice.”